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Gradually I noticed my speech starting to slow down and slur too. I called my GP, and the moment she heard my voice on the phone, she sent me straight to A&E. 

In hospital, a CT scan revealed a lesion in my brain. I had a biopsy and surgery to drain a cyst that was putting pressure on my brain, but then I had to wait a month to find out what kind of tumour it was. It could be low or high grade, benign or highly aggressive. It was a really anxious time.

Eventually I was told I had an astrocytoma: a high-grade brain tumour. It was incurable and, because of its position, it couldn't be removed surgically. It was all a big shock, and my future was suddenly very uncertain.

I was put on radiotherapy and chemotherapy, but my speech was getting worse. If I look back at my handwriting at the time, it was all over the place, because I was experiencing double vision.

Everything felt strange and confusing.

Online statistics and prognosis made me anxious

Of course, you know you shouldn’t Google your symptoms when something dramatic happens, but you can’t help it. The prognoses and statistics I found about my condition brought me even more anxiety.

I decided to step into the ҹɫֱ²¥ next to the hospital to access some help.

Speaking to the support staff and being around other people going through cancer helped put things in perspective.

I realised that statistics don’t tell the whole story, they can’t predict the future. I’m a unique human being going through my own journey with my own feelings and experiences.

Operation to improve symptoms

Eventually, I had an Ommaya reservoir fitted in my head to drain the fluid that kept building up in my brain. The moment I woke up from the operation, my speech was back to normal and I could have a conversation without becoming breathless or sounding monotone.

It was a shock to feel well again, while still knowing that underneath nothing had really changed. I still had the tumour, the symptoms could come back, the illness could progress, and I was still living with huge uncertainty.

Facing an unknown future

I went back to Maggie’s with this feeling of ‘what now?’ I’d been intensely focussed on my treatment but now it was done, I was a bit lost.

I felt trepidation about returning to work and carrying on among the uncertainty. 

Maggie’s was the perfect antidote to being in hospital. The pace was slower and the environment felt peaceful and welcoming.

I started off going to the brain tumour group, but I found the young women’s group suited me best.

There were about six or seven of us in the group and we had a lot of common ground. We’d all faced people being shocked about how young we were to be going through cancer.  

There was a lot of empathy in the room and we all supported each other. There was celebration when things went well, and commiseration when they didn’t.

That camaraderie made me feel a lot lighter. 

Maggie’s also offered me one-to-one counselling, which helped me process how I could go forward living with uncertainty. I found this time with the psychologist low pressure and practical, and once it was over, I finally felt ready to get on with my life.

Telling my story: the final stage of processing what happened

It’s now been three years since I was diagnosed and I don’t go to Maggie’s regularly anymore. But the lovely thing is that I know I can always come back whenever I need to.

That’s the thing with Maggie’s: you don’t need to go forever. You can take the tools you’ve learnt there and go out into the world. And they will always be there when you need them. 

I’m back working at my job in communications for a healthcare company and I’ve been going on  lots of nice trips with my partner. We’ve been to those places that you put on a list for the future, except we’ve just brought it forward. Maldives, St Lucia, America and Italy; I’ve loved them all. We’re hoping to see the cherry blossoms in Japan next.

I’ve also started speaking about my experiences at public events to let more people know about Maggie’s. It’s been a huge thing, like the final stage of processing my story. I feel very passionate about staying in touch with my experience and not just shutting it away in a box.

It’s empowering to talk about it and raise funds for Maggie’s. 

When I first came into Maggie’s, I was living on the very edge of my feelings. Very vulnerable and burdened by worries. Then by talking things through and going deeper into self-reflection, I left Maggie’s feeling lighter, more positive and able to move forward. Not that all my worries have gone, but I have more perspective on things. Everything feels a bit more manageable.

Maggie’s has helped me stop seeing things in black and white. You’re not either healthy or unhealthy, it’s not that everything's good or everything's bad.

Everything can be a bit of both, and that's still a life where you can find happiness and joy.

We’re here with you

Our cancer support specialists, psychologists and benefits advisors are here for everyone with cancer, and all the people who love them.

• Come and see us at your nearest Maggie’s
• Call us on 0300 123 180 or arrange a callback
• Email us at [email protected]