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Andrew had daily radiotherapy for about six weeks, and I was determined that he remained in control as much as possible.

At the start, Andrew would drive himself and I came with him for support. We were just coming out of Covid, so I couldn鈥檛 go into the sessions with him.

Went in for a cup of tea, stayed for the support

A neighbour said to me, 鈥淲hy don鈥檛 you go and find Maggie鈥檚.鈥� I鈥檇 never heard of Maggie鈥檚 before.

To be honest, at first, I went because I鈥檇 rather go somewhere warm and welcoming with a cup of tea and a biscuit than sit in my car in a busy multi-storey car park full of exhaust fumes!

We soon fell into a routine. I鈥檇 drop Andrew off, park and walk over to Maggie鈥檚. During that time, I got to know everyone at Maggie鈥檚, which was lovely.

It felt like I was walking into a family home.

The staff were able to explain things clearly, how Andrew might be feeling, and most importantly, that he might feel worse once treatment ended. They helped me understand all aspects of his treatment and gave me advice on how to support him. 

I felt supported and cared for, and that there was always someone there for me.

From good news to the worst news

Just before Christmas, we received a call from the hospital. Andrew had had a scan, and the oncologist wanted to share the news before the holidays rather than let us wait. The treatment had worked. It was wonderful news and we had such a lovely Christmas.

Three months later, Andrew had his first check-up. Things had been busy, we鈥檇 just moved and downsized, and he鈥檇 developed a cough. He also had Covid, so everything felt a little blurred.

Andrew was coughing during the appointment, and the consultant insisted that he have an X-ray. The next day, we heard the results weren鈥檛 clear enough and a CT scan was booked. That was when we received the devastating news that the cancer had spread to both his lungs and it was incurable.

Andrew was a bit more prepared than I was. I just didn鈥檛 see it coming.

The consultant was brilliant. She was very informative and told us everything that we needed to know. We left the consultation room and ended up in the corridor outside, just looking at each other in disbelief, and not knowing what to do. We made our way outside and sat on a bench.

Andrew was always thinking about me and said, 鈥淚 need to go to the pharmacy, why don鈥檛 you go to Maggie鈥檚 and I鈥檒l meet you there.鈥� Whether or not he went to the pharmacy, I鈥檇 never know.

Psychological support for us both

When I got to Maggie鈥檚, one of the cancer support specialists asked if I was alright. I said 鈥淗onestly, I don鈥檛 know鈥�, and she went and got Lisa, who came straight through to me.

I must have been there for an hour and a half, crying and saying it wasn鈥檛 fair. I needed Maggie鈥檚 at that point. It helped me get a lot off my chest.

Andrew must have known I needed to go to Maggie鈥檚; sometimes your partner can see things you can鈥檛 see yourself. He appeared later, waiting for me with a coffee.

I continued to visit Maggie鈥檚, and Andrew would come too.

One of the things that helped him was knowing that I would be supported after he had gone.

I would see Aneesh, the clinical psychologist. He would sit and listen so patiently, even as I found myself saying the same thing again and again. Aneesh helped me so much, even before Andrew died, because I was feeling a lot of pre-emptive grief.

Knowing that Maggie鈥檚 was here for me was a great help for Andrew. He loved coming to the centre. He was a regular at the lung cancer support group and would move heaven and earth to get there.

Even towards his last few weeks, he still wanted to come. He would sit in the room, and had such a presence, this calm acceptance of what was happening to him, while I was saying 鈥渋t鈥檚 not fair.鈥�

Bereavement and advice for carers

I continued to visit Maggie鈥檚 after Andrew died and would see Lisa for bereavement support. She was amazing, as were the rest of the staff and volunteers.

There鈥檚 never any judgement, or feelings that you can鈥檛 be yourself and say what鈥檚 on your mind. They always make time for you even if they鈥檙e busy, and there鈥檚 always this lovely warm welcome.

Andrew received amazing support at Maggie鈥檚, and I did too. I would say to anyone caring for a loved one with cancer to visit their nearest Maggie鈥檚.

Being a carer can be one of life鈥檚 hardest journeys. You do it all out of love, and that鈥檚 what carries you. Yet, without realising, the caring can shift and change your relationship.

Someone once told me: 鈥淭he carer needs to be cared for too.鈥欌��

How true is that.

We鈥檙e here with you

Our cancer support specialists, psychologists and benefits advisors are here for everyone with cancer, and all the people who love them. 

• Come and see us at your nearest Maggie鈥檚
• Call us on 0300 123 180 or arrange a callback
• Email us at [email protected]