夜色直播

My first thought when I visited 夜色直播 was that it was a very nice environment. Trish was very helpful, and June was there too so I felt comfortable. 

I tell everybody it isn鈥檛 just a place for people undergoing cancer treatment; Maggie鈥檚 is for everything.

I got advice from Trish about having a stoma. But it is also for bereavement, it鈥檚 for helping with money and financial worries.

There is no judgement. You just need to take that first step through the door.

When I chatted to Trish, we talked about my treatment and everything else as well. She is like a sister, because we laugh so much. It isn鈥檛 all doom and gloom.

Trish has that friendly persona, but she鈥檚 also very knowledgeable as well. I felt really privileged to have this place to come to, feel safe and ask questions you can鈥檛 always ask the doctors.

Getting diagnosed after routine bowel screening

I found out I had cancer following a routine bowel screening. I then had a colonoscopy, that was no problem. They found a tiny little polyp, and following tests it was found to be cancerous.

I had to wait a while to hear from the doctor, and then I was told I needed a stoma. I think the Macmillan nurse could see the shock on my face, and asked if I could be referred to The Christie Hospital for radiotherapy. I began treatment every day for five weeks after that.

A couple of times, friends came with me. We made it into an event, rather than a negative thing, and went out for lunch after. I also carried on all my exercise classes through that.

Further treatment and preparing for a life-altering operation

After I finished treatment, I was told they wouldn鈥檛 be seeing me again. But after four or five months, the cancerous cell had grown again. The doctor said it was very close to my vagina, and I鈥檇 need a major operation to remove my uterus, fallopian tubes and vagina, and I鈥檇 need a stoma. They said it could make me incontinent.

When I found out about having the major operation, I came in to see Trish, because it would have affected my life greatly. Trish told me the doctor was great and I will be fine, but she also said it would affect me greatly and knew it was a big decision for me to have to make.

When I was told about the stoma, I spoke to Trish again and she gave me lots of reassurance. Trish is the best thing about coming here, because you can talk to her easily, but if you want to ask her a medical question too she has the answers, and if she doesn鈥檛, she will find out for you quickly.

I also spoke to my daughter-in-law, who said, 鈥榶ou鈥檝e got to do it鈥�. I had all the pre-op appointments and was geared up to have the operation. But then I was told the operation was no longer needed because they only found a couple of little nodules, and I was going to have chemotherapy instead.

I started the chemo but then they found a blockage, so that鈥檚 when a stoma was arranged for me. I went in and had no problems, it has been great. So in retrospect, maybe I should have had it done initially, but the cancer still could have grown.

Life with a stoma

I have handled everything well because I think to myself 'it is what it is' and I deal with it. I have told people it is part of me now, it鈥檚 a 鈥榣ittle cutie鈥�.

I had been doing gentle exercises at home and I鈥檇 been using a foundation garment for the stoma. The nurse ordered me a belt, but all of the belts they had were men鈥檚, so she had to order me a proper stoma belt to do my exercises in. Apparently, not many ladies ask for the belts, which surprised me.

They have now found cancer in my lungs and liver, so I am having further chemotherapy. I was a bit concerned when I started the chemo again, how it would affect me. But again, I've done everything I can possibly do to keep myself fit and well.

I've gone out with my friends. If I wanted a glass of prosecco, I've had it. I haven't let it stop me from being me. I鈥檓 also fundraising for Maggie鈥檚 by taking part in with a friend.

Exercise, qigong and positive affirmations

I enjoyed doing yoga classes at the centre. The yoga teacher was lovely, and afterwards we鈥檇 have a little break, some fruit and water and a little chat so you got to know each other.

I started doing Qigong two years ago when I couldn鈥檛 get to the gym, and learnt to do a 15-minute smile meditation after I had the operation. I鈥檝e now developed a morning routine before I get out of bed. I pop it on and it鈥檚 all about smiling to yourself, so you can鈥檛 get up in a bad mood. It works for me.

I do deep breathing, and then thank my heart, my lungs, then my liver and so on. The kidneys, like today, I have thanked them for dealing with the chemo they鈥檙e putting into my body and I鈥檝e said thank you to my immune system to help The Christie get rid of the cancer. You can鈥檛 help but be happy to be here after doing it.

I've been doing affirmations for years, not just before the cancer. I've always had a healthy eating book where I write down what I eat, but the affirmations have got more since my diagnosis.  I do these every day and write into a book. I also list all the kilometres I walk every day. 

There's one where it says: "Don't let cancer define you; you define it. Stop thinking 鈥業'll do it when the cancer goes.鈥� You live your life now, because nobody knows what's around the corner. Nobody.鈥� So I just enjoy every minute of my life, and I've never let it stop me being me.

Another one is: 鈥淪elf love is really good - self love, self respect, self worth. It all starts with self. There is a reason you cannot find them in anybody else. Self-love. I am an amazingly strong, brave, wonderful, kind, loving person. There is no one else like me. I am my biggest commitment. I must love my body. I only get one. I must fuel it properly, move it daily. Respect it always. My biggest superpower is my ability to stay in a good mood, no matter what's going on in my life, even when there's nothing to feel good about. The past is the past. The future is unknown, and the present is a gift to enjoy.鈥�

I read these every morning, it sorts you out and gets you on the right footing for the day. It affirms that I am in a good place, I think that's helped me. If I feel down, I just think how lucky I am that I'm still here.

Advice to others

For anybody thinking about going to Maggie鈥檚, just go through the door.

The space gets you talking in a way you can鈥檛 talk to your family about things that are maybe worrying you. There鈥檚 always someone to talk to and welcome you. Even the volunteers, because often they have been through it themselves or their partners, so they have empathy with a lot of what you may be going through.

Go through the door, and once you鈥檙e through, you鈥檒l come back.

We鈥檙e here with you

Our cancer support specialists, psychologists and benefits advisors are here for everyone with cancer, and all the people who love them. 

• Come and see us at your nearest Maggie鈥檚
• Call us on 0300 123 180 or arrange a callback
• Email us at [email protected]