Monday 03 February 2020
Tom – Maggie's
Telling children about a cancer diagnosis can be hard. You may be finding it difficult to know what to say.
The information on this page provides advice and support, and includes ways that ҹɫֱ²¥ can help.
You may find that you have to process the news yourself first, as this is an emotional time for you too.
There are steps you can take to help your child manage the emotions and feelings they are experiencing:
Children all react differently to hearing about cancer.
Very young children will perhaps not be aware of what is happening, but will sense the changes in routine, and that you may be away having appointments, tests and treatment.
Some children may worry that you have cancer because of something they did. It could be something as simple as having misbehaved, or fallen out with you temporarily. They may feel guilty about things they have done.
If children are excluded from what is going on, they may imagine things are worse than the reality. Children can be sensitive, and feel they are not important enough to know what is going on.
Depending on their age, they may have heard of cancer in the playground, or on television. They may be anxious that they might catch cancer too, or that you and others close to them will die.
Many children cope well, and seem to take things in their stride. However, you may see changes in how your children behave and react.
Babies and toddlers may become more clingy and fretful – simply because routines are different, and things feel unsettled.
Pre-school and early school age children may regress a little in behaviour, which can make you feel worried and guilty. They generally settle over time, but may need reassurance and support.
It can be hard for children to put their worries into words, and so they may start misbehaving, being angry, or quiet, and not able to concentrate on schoolwork.
Children as they get older, become more independent, and they may worry about the impact your illness will have on their own lives, and then feel guilty.
Teenagers may spend more time away from home, or in their room.
If you’re concerned that your children are finding things difficult, then you can ask for further help. Sometimes children don’t know why they’re feeling angry, guilty, tearful or withdrawn.
Younger children may ‘act out’ and misbehave at school. Older children can feel disloyal expressing frustration about how things are at home, so may keep their feelings bottled up. Children can sometimes need additional psychological support.
As a parent or grandparent, you’re possibly the person who can talk to them about how they feel. However, if they find this difficult, it can be helpful to find support for them. This might be through a trusted family member or friend - someone who they can talk to away from the situation, or perhaps through their school or college.
If you think your child might benefit from counselling and help with dealing with how they feel, you could ask your GP, health visitor (for children under 5), and the school/college about any support they provide locally. Some local hospices provide family/child counselling and support too.
Many of our centres offer support for young people with parents with cancer, through Teen’s days (14 - 18) and Kid’s days (7 - 13). There’s support for you too, and if you’re concerned about your child or teenager, drop into your nearest ²Ñ²¹²µ²µ¾±±ð’s. You can speak with experienced staff about your concerns, and they will be able to offer practical advice and support.
Sometimes cancer comes back, or may be more advanced when diagnosed.
For many people advanced cancer is still treatable, even if it cannot be cured.
If things change, and you or the person you care about is becoming more unwell, it’s important to let the children know.
They are likely to notice things are changing, so will be less scared if they’re know what is happening.
Talk with others about what you are experiencing. It can help to hear that what the children are feeling is not unusual, and help you feel less alone.
Check out our links to further information.
Pop into ²Ñ²¹²µ²µ¾±±ð’s to talk with our Cancer Support Specialists and connect with others in a similar position to yourself.
Last review: Mar 2022 | Next review: Mar 2023
Information and resources for parents to help conversations about cancer.
From Fruit Fly Collective
Last reviewed: 17 March 2022
Tips on what can help when talking to children about cancer, what you can say and resources that may help.
From Cancer Research Uk (Cruk)
Last reviewed: 17 March 2022
Practical ways to support children and how to break bad news when someone close to them is ill.
From Marie Curie
Last reviewed: 17 March 2022
A short film produced with the Fruit Fly Collective to support parents when they decide to tell their children about their cancer diagnosis.
From London Cancer
Last reviewed: 17 March 2022
Talking to children and teenagers about cancer.
From Macmillan Cancer Support
Last reviewed: 17 March 2022
Practical tips for talking with children when someone is dying.
From Cancer Research Uk (Cruk)
Last reviewed: 17 March 2022
A guide for young people who have a parent with cancer. You are not alone. Find out what has helped other teens get through this tough time.
From National Cancer Institute (Us)
Last reviewed: 17 March 2022
Advice and tips for talking to the different people close to you about cancer.
From Cancer.Net
Last reviewed: 17 March 2022
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